


Less Painful Than Losing You

by hulksbxnner



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff (if you squint), Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, One Shot, Page 250, Romance, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-07 07:03:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12227976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hulksbxnner/pseuds/hulksbxnner
Summary: Yet another page 250 rewrite because I'm so incredibly original.





	Less Painful Than Losing You

**Author's Note:**

> All the writing in italics belongs to James Dashner, the rest is mine.
> 
> This fic is also available on Tumblr, go to brodie-shankster, and give me a follow if you like! I will also happily take requests if you enjoyed my writing.

_“Hey. Newt. It’s me, Thomas. You still remember me, right?”_

_A sudden clarity filled Newt’s eyes then, almost making Thomas step back in surprise._

_“I bloody remember you, Tommy. You just came to see me at the Palace, rubbed it in that you ignored my note. I can’t go completely crazy in a few days.”_

_Those words hurt Thomas’s heart even more than the pitiful sight of his friend. “Then why are you here? Why are you with … them?”_

_Newt looked at the Cranks, then back at Thomas. “It comes and goes, man. I can’t explain it. Sometimes I can’t control myself, barely know what I’m doing. But usually it’s just like an itch in my brain, throwing everything off-kilter just enough to bother me—make me angry.”_

_“You seem fine right now.”_

_“Yeah, well. The only reason I’m with these wackers from the Palace is because I don’t know what else to do. They’re fighting, but they’re also a group. You find yourself alone, you don’t have a bloody chance.”_

_“Newt, come with me this time, right now. We can take you somewhere safer, somewhere better to …” Newt laughed, and when he did his head twitched strangely a couple of times. “Get out of here, Tommy. Get away.”_

_“Just come with me,” Thomas begged. “I’ll tie you up if it makes you feel better.” Newt’s face suddenly hardened into anger and his words shot out in a rage._

_“Just shut up, you shuck traitor! Didn’t you read my note? You can’t do one last, lousy thing for me? Gotta be the hero, like always? I hate you! I always hated you!”_

_He doesn’t mean it, Thomas told himself firmly. But they were just words. “Newt …”_

_“It was all your fault! You could’ve stopped them when the first Creators died. You could’ve figured out a way. But no! You had to keep it going, try to save the world, be the hero. And you came to the Maze and never stopped. All you care about is yourself! Admit it! Gotta be the one people remember, the one people worship! We should’ve thrown you down the Box hole!”_

_Newt’s face had colored to a deep red, and spit flew from his mouth as he yelled. He started taking lumbering steps forward, his hands balled into fists._

_“I’m gonna blast him!” Lawrence yelled from the van. “Get out of the way!” Thomas turned. “Don’t! It’s just me and him! Don’t do anything!” He faced Newt again. “Newt, stop. Just listen to me. I know you’re okay in there. Enough to hear me out.”_

_“I hate you, Tommy!” He was only a few feet away and Thomas took a step backward, his hurt over Newt turning to fear. “I hate you I hate you I hate you! After all I did for you, after all the freaking klunk I went through in the bloody Maze, you can’t do the one and only thing I’ve ever asked you to do! I can’t even look at your ugly shuck face!”_

_Thomas took two more steps back. “Newt, you need to stop. They’re going to shoot you. Just stop and listen to me! Get in the van, let me tie you up. Give me a chance!” He couldn’t kill his friend. He just couldn’t._

_Newt screamed and rushed forward. An arc of Launcher lightning shot from the van, skidding and crackling across the pavement, but it missed him. Thomas had frozen in place, and Newt tackled him to the ground, knocking the breath out of him. He struggled to fill his lungs as his old friend climbed on top of him and pinned him down._

_“I should rip your eyes out,” Newt said, spraying Thomas with spit. “Teach you a lesson in stupidity. Why’d you come over here? You expected a bloody hug? Huh? A nice sit-down to talk about the good times in the Glade?”_

_Thomas shook his head, gripped by terror, very slowly reaching for his gun with his free hand._

_“You wanna know why I have this limp, Tommy? Did I ever tell you? No, I don’t think I did.”_

_“What happened?” Thomas asked, stalling for time. He slipped his fingers around the weapon._

_“I tried to kill myself in the Maze. Climbed halfway up one of those bloody walls and jumped right off. Alby found me and dragged me back to the Glade right before the Doors closed. I hated the place, Tommy. I hated every second of every day. And it was all … your … fault!”_

_Newt suddenly twisted around and grabbed Thomas by the hand holding the gun. He yanked it toward himself, forcing it up until the end of the pistol was pressed against his own forehead. “Now make amends! Kill me before I become one of those cannibal monsters! Kill me! I trusted you with the note! No one else. Now do it!”_

_Thomas tried to pull his hand away, but Newt was too strong. “I can’t, Newt, I can’t.”_

_“Make amends! Repent for what you did!” The words tore out of him, his whole body trembling. Then his voice dropped to an urgent, harsh whisper. “Kill me, you shuck coward. Prove you can do the right thing. Put me out of my misery.”_

_The words horrified Thomas. “Newt, maybe we can—”_

_“Shut up! Just shut up! I trusted you! Now do it!”_

_“I can’t.”_

"You can't?" Harsh laughing racked his body.

"You had no shucking problem with it when you were sending me into that bloody Maze."

Thomas' eyes watered in desperation.

"Newt, I-"

"Think about someone other than yourself for once in your shuck life and pull the trigger, you selfish..."

"So maybe I am selfish!" Thomas cut Newt off, his chest heaving and tears slipping down his face.

"Maybe I won't kill you for my own selfish reasons! Because I don't want to live without you! We have fought to get to Paradise this whole time together.And I swear to God and heaven above that I will not let some shuck illness get in the way of us- all of us getting to where we belong. You said yourself, it's not completely devoured you yet. We still have time. I don't want to lose my best friend, and neither does Minho. Did you even think about him? Huh? He's already lost Alby, and Chuck, and Ben, and Winston, you want him to lose you too? But sure. I'm the selfish one!" The words ripped Thomas' throat, his voice hoarse.

Newt's eyebrows furrowed together and his teeth bared into what Thomas could only describe as a snarl.

A heartwrenching scream erupted from the boy, and all Thomas could do was close his eyes and hold his breath, tears still streaming down his cheeks, and wait. All he wanted to do was cover his ears, and will this all away. He wished he could feel the grass of the Glade on the back of his neck, and the warm sun in the sky on his cheeks. He wished he could look over to the gardens and see Newt there, content, smiling back at him.

Thomas opened his eyes again, after hearing the screams stop to become an eerie silence. Newt has now hunched over, his blood matted hair covering his face, and his shoulders silently heaving.

"Newt..." Thomas whispered, terrified of what Newt might do if he speaks any louder.

Thomas suddenly feels a pressure on the back of his hand, and Newt pressed the gun harder into the skin of his forehead.

"I- I can't do this anymore Tommy. One moment I want to come home. To you. To my friends, and then the next all I can think of is the urge to tear someone apart. Please, Tommy. Please. I don't want to live like this anymore" Newt sounded more broken than Thomas ever had before. He then became the young boy, who is too young to wear the scars he owns.

"You don't understand-"

"Stop! Stop making excuses Thomas! Grow a pair and-"

"I love you! Do you get that? I fucking LOVE you! Can you comprehend that in your rotted brain?"

Newt's eyes widened and he gripped Thomas' hand so tightly he ran the risk of snapping it.

"You want to tear someone apart? Go ahead. Rip my fucking heart out because it would be less painful than losing you."

Thomas and Newt stared at each other. Both breathing heavily with tears streaming down their faces. There was yelling in the background, both of them could hear it, but neither cared.

Suddenly Newt's face crumpled, and a loud sob tore out of his throat. Thomas dropped the gun and was quick to wrap his arms around the sobbing boy as Newt collapsed, crying into Thomas' chest, his arms falling to the side.

"We will get you the cure. I promise, you Newt. I don't care how long it takes, or what I have to go through to get it, you will get better" His own crying wavered Thomas' voice.

Thomas held Newt, as he broke down in his arms, until he heard a vague "Get him out of there Thomas".

"Come to the van" Thomas said gently, pulling away from Newt, and slowly pulling him to his feet.

___________________________________________________________________________

The atmosphere was tense, no one wanted to approach Newt, and no one wanted to ask Thomas what happened. It came to a silent agreement that Thomas should be the one to attend to Newt for the night, so they left the room without a word.

"They're acting like I'm the shucking disease" Newt grumbled.

Thomas chose not to reply to Newt, and instead opted for offering Newt soup.

"I'm not hungry" "You have to eat something" Thomas said sitting down in front of Newt, and frowned at the rope binding Newt's hands behind his back.

"They couldn't find anything slightly more comfy than rope?" Thomas muttered.

"I'm fine Tommy. I asked for this" Newt's hands shifted uncomfortably at the rope burn, despite himself.

An awkward silence settled between them, as Thomas started pouring the soup from the flask into some cups, hoping he could get Newt to eat at least a little bit.

"Tommy?" Newt's voice was timid and soft. Drastically different to what Thomas had seen earlier.

"Yeah?"

"I could never, ever hate you"

Thomas stopped what he was doing and looked up at Newt, who had his head hung, his eyes downcast to the floor. Thomas shuffled awkwardly and took Newt gently by the shoulders.

"Look at me. That wasn't you. I know it wasn't. Those things you were saying... they were the Flare talking. I know you Newt"

"Is that why you love me?" This time Newt was looking Thomas dead in the eye, tears threatening to spill once again.

Thomas loved Newt, he'd known that for a while. But that wasn't how he wanted to tell him. He wanted to tell him in Paradise. When all this was over, and he and Newt could have a shot of a life together. Not with his gun to Newt's forehead.

"We don't know if I'm going to live Tommy. We don't know if you're ever going to get the Newt back that you love"

Thomas' head shot up.

"But you're Newt. I love you now"

"Right now, I'm a monster."

Thomas shook his head, "No Newt. You're you. And I love everything about you. I always have"

"You don't even know if we knew each other before the Glade, you've only known me for a year for all we know"

"All I needed was 1 minute to fall in love with you" Thomas' hands reached up to stroke Newt's cheeks.

"Tommy..." Newt whispered, tears finally spilling over onto his cheeks.

"Sshh" Thomas shushed him, resting his forehead against Newt's.

"I can't hold you" Newt cried, closing his eyes and leaning into Thomas' touch as much as possible, his hands pulling at the rope.

"It's okay" Thomas slowly closed the distance, placing his lips softly onto Newt's. They both gasped lightly, and Newt pressed harder against Thomas. The kiss was wet, and messy, but neither cared as their lips moved together in desperation. They seperated, and Thomas continued tracing Newt's cheekbones with his thumb.

"For the record Tommy..." A smile tugged at Newt's lips, causing tears to flood Thomas' eyes.

"I don't think your face is ugly. I think it's very not ugly actually" They both laughed. Loud, breathy laughs. And Thomas saw Newt properly smile for the first time in a while.


End file.
